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Busy vs. Lazy: Why Do We Do That?
Jessica Ruby, MA

Here’s the deal: we all self-sabotage at times in our lives, and some more than others. And before you start to point fingers, remember that it’s way easier to see other people’s faults than your own. So, instead, let’s just explore some of the common ways people sabotage themselves, and take a peek behind the curtains. You game?

Busy-BeeLet’s break it down-these are two sides of the same coin. What are they about?

 Busy-Bee: they.never.sleep…ever. They are super-duper over-involved in way too many things and are usually in over their head. They rush from one event to the next, never have time in between to rest, think, exhale, or feel. What they think they feel is a sense of pride for being so ding dang productive, but what they’re really doing is putting the kibosh on any forward momentum in their life, as the “productivity” usually only serves to maintain the status quo.

How to be a rock star extreme Busy Bee:

  • Overbook your schedule. On purpose. Schedule every single detail of your daily life all the way up to bed time.
  • Push all the self-care type of events (if you even schedule them in!) to the end of the day or end of the month, whatever-they’re last, ok-you don’t matter!
  • Do not, under any circumstances, cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself.

Hmmm…on the other side…

 Lazy Sloth- They can easily be found watching TV. All. Day. long. Or gaming. Or internet surfing. And perhaps imbibing their drug of choice to make sure they never leave the couch. Because if they left the couch they’d have to face their life. Or, gah, other people who are onto the fact that they’re wasting their life away on the couch. I’m not talking about depression here, although there could be some overlap. I’m talking about the un-motivated (wo)man-child who won’t use an ounce of brain fuel to think about their life and that means ix-nay on thinking about the future beyond what time they’ll get up to go pee. Not that they actually plan that either.

How to be a rock star extreme Sloth:

  • Ignore your physical and emotional needs, and any decision that may lead to you doing something other than waste time.
  • Keep yourself numb and disconnected from any dreams you may have had for yourself.
  • Absolutely avoid all forms of responsibility-even for your own personal hygiene.

Where would Goldilocks be on this continuum?  Right in the middle, of course!  (You didn't see that coming, did you?)

How to be a rock star healthy Goldilocks on this continuum:

  • Listen to your body, and give it restful down time when you truly need it
  • Find a healthy outlet for your thoughts, emotions, fears, etc. Examples are journaling, talking to a trusted friend or therapist, or any form of legal creative expression.
  • Quality of life usually goes up when we remove things/activities from it, so think about what you can reduce or remove from your life in order to begin to feel better.

 The bottom line is that both extremes are attempts to avoid the same thing:

Ouch, what’s that about?! That’s a whole ‘nother blog, but suffice to say there’s a myriad of reasons why one might avoid self-connection. Here’s the very short list:

Why we avoid self-connectedness:

  • Past traumas we don’t want to re-live or unable to process
  • Lack of healthy modeling of planning for the future
  • Low-self esteem and self-worth

Sometimes we’re afraid that we won’t like what we discover about ourselves. The good news is that usually our worst fears are not actually our sincere truths. Whew!

If you suffer from any of these reasons above, please consider seeing a therapist to help you process and improve your level of self-connectedness.

Where are you on the continuum?

Copyrighted.  Jessica Ruby, MA.  All rights reserved.



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